Everybody Needs an Editor, Part Two

Back in January I wrote about the unintentionally-amusing consequences when an author who doesn't know the right word gets the almost-right one, or lets SpellCheck take over instead of consulting an editor. (You can read that post here.)

Today we're back with More Head-Scratching Moments From Today's Books...

“Mildred, a graying brunette with hair as black as her son's..."

Really? Her hair is gray AND brunette AND black, all at the same time? 

The building was modeled after the Pentagon, though it didn't have seven sides.

I hate to tell you, Dear Author, but the Pentagon doesn't have seven sides either. Penta means five. Always has, always will.

Here are a couple of lines from a story set in 1949: 

He passed out after we hit the interstate. 

Nope. The first legislation setting up what's officially called the Dwight D. Eisenhower National System of Interstate and Defense Highways -- no wonder we just call it "the interstate" -- was passed in 1956, and the original network wasn't completed until 35 years later.

We laid in a stock of MREs to eat on our camping trip.

MREs -- Meals, Ready-to-Eat -- replaced canned combat rations in 1981. These two characters could have gotten hold of C rations, but a couple of guys in 1949 wouldn't ever have heard the term MRE.

And these two from a Big-Six published memoir:

"My bedroom was kind of girlie, with a rod-iron bed"

Truly? Who the heck doesn't know about wrought iron? Are they hiring third-graders as copy editors?

"I'd hit the motherload of riches" 

After all of these, I feel like *I* hit the ... uh... mother lode!

Without naming names, what  are your favorite gaffes?

Creating Suspense in Fiction

Suspense is what keeps the reader turning pages, anxious to find out why and what and when and how. Suspense is what makes the reader worry about the characters -- whether they’ll be all right, if they’ll finally reach their happy ending.

Now, we’re not necessarily talking about suspense in terms of actual danger, here. The character's life doesn't have to be at stake for us to create suspense for the reader.

 Suspense is the reader’s natural desire to know what happens next.

Too often, the author – because she knows what’s happening and why and what’s going to happen next, sacrifices the suspense which would keep her reader moving forward.

Here’s an example of how an author sacrificed all the suspense in her situation with a giveaway last line to a scene where she’d told the reader about the scheme her heroine was cooking up:

It was a great plan. And it worked.

At that point, we know what the scheme is. And we know it worked. So just how likely are we to turn the page and read on?

Oh, we might, just to find out exactly how things worked out – especially if we really like the character, or it’s a funny setup. Or if we’re blowing off a slow, lovely Sunday afternoon and have nothing better to do.

But if it’s midnight and we have to go to work in the morning… or if we just recalled that there’s a load of laundry needing to be folded before the wrinkles set… or if the kids are whining about being hungry… or the husband wants to go for a walk on a slow, lovely Sunday afternoon… then the book is apt to get set aside. 

And once a book is set aside, it might never be picked up again.

But what if that author had written this instead?

It was a great plan. And it almost worked.

Then it’s going to be much tougher for the reader to close the book and turn off the light and go cozily off to sleep or out for a walk, or feed the kids anything that takes time to fix. And the laundry? She’ll forget it entirely.

In this case, just one word makes a huge difference – because instead of the reader knowing that the heroine’s plans went just as she hoped they would, all we know is that they didn't.

The Importance of Being Edited

Over the holidays, I've been spending a fair bit of time with my e-reader in hand. (Yeah, I've collected four of 'em. Call me compulsive.) And I have to say it's been ... educational. And entertaining. And a little sad.

"The cobblestone street was picturesque, but it was hell on his sports car's shock observers."

Shock observers? Really? Is that like little people strapped on the corners of the car keeping an eye on those shocks?

“It’ll have to be in the next hour. I have a wedding reversal this afternoon.”

That was a priest speaking -- not a divorce attorney. 

He was moving as quickly as if he’d been shot out of a canon.

Hmm. Maybe that was the same religious person?

Joe was having an outer body experience.

Yeah, being shot out of a cannon can do that to you.

She opened the cupboard and pulled out a vile of penicillin.

To treat that vile out-of-body experience, perhaps?

Maybe he was angry and had come to ball her out for not inviting him.

With a cannon ball, no doubt.

One knee peeked out of well warn blue jeans.

By all means, make sure those old Levis know they're in danger!

It was a totally bogus murder wrap.

And the detectives wrapped it up nicely...

Every writer needs an editor. Because if we don't already know the right word, then we have no reason to stop writing and look it up to make sure we haven't chosen the wrong one.